I just finished watching a fabulous video clip from a multi-level marketing guru, which I found very exciting, as I believe it applies to EVERYone, not just those who are self-employed.
http://ht.ly/g9cX0 In the clip, Nick Sarnicola talks about having to have a "desperate why" in order to succeed at a multi-level marketing business. "What gets you up in the morning?" he asks. "What gets you to make those 100 calls?" (I think that is a slight exaggeration...at least I hope it is). That got me thinking along two lines.
Line one...in a throwback to my previous career as a school psychologist, I have included in my "why" that I want to "help people", whatever that means. I now understand that that statement is so broad as to mean little more than "I don't have evil intent", and it doesn't get me up in the morning. I'm not even sure that my business, as much as I love it, gets me up in the morning. It's at the necessary and unavoidable slogging along phase, and even though I absolutely believe in all it's potential and benefits, of course the majority of others won't. That's the nature of the beast. No, what motivates me to build my business is the anticipation of financial freedom, and with that, more time to indulge my love of writing. And sleeping. I love to sleep, or to be just awake enough to be aware of being warm and cozy. And reading. Love to read. I understand that the pursuit of money is different from the pursuit of happiness, but having money can free one to pursue happiness. That makes the "why" less immediate, possibly a little less sharp, but no less compelling. What gets me up in the morning is the anticipation of....not having to get up in the morning! And that's somewhere between a possibility and a certainty now, whereas at my previous time-for-money career, that never was going to happen. Ever. And that absolute certainty did NOT get me up in the morning.
Line two...from passion comes success. At one point in the video, Nick refers to a woman in the audience who apparently gave a passionate statement earlier in the seminar and who also is very successful in her business. Which came first? I also have caught myself thinking that passion arises from success, but then, the question remains of how to arrive at success without a passion. What would get me up in the morning prior to being successful? Defining success obviously has to be here in the mix. Some might say that by leaving a dead-end job, I already am successful. To me, cashing out the life-insurance policy to pay for the children's school doesn't really feel like success. Fear? Can fear substitute for passion until I reach "success"? Of course. It doesn't feel good, and it probably doesn't look good (giving off the whiff of desperation) but it sure can push one toward a goal or toward "success". Anticipation? Can anticipation substitute for passion? Of course. Anticipation is the mirror opposite of fear, pulling one toward success instead of pushing one away from the abyss. Anticipation feels much better, but it is more difficult to maintain over time than fear. The limbic system, the "old brain" will fuel fear until the perceived danger is past, but anticipation is a more intellectual pursuit and more of a mindset choice, and therefore requires more conscious energy to keep it going.
What fear and anticipation have in common is that they are responses to something that hasn't happened yet, in this case, success. How much time do I want to spend in the future, as opposed to the present? I think a little passion for something in the present keeps life "here", as opposed to "out there" or in the future. Even if the passion I have at the moment isn't directly business-related, there likely is some business-related or success-related benefit to being just a passionate person in general. This winding discourse seems to have arrived back at the starting point, that success is facilitated from having a passionate personality. If a passion for...anything gets me up in the morning, I can channel some of that passion into any endeavor, whether it's a current quest or a an anticipatory goal.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Your life called....
"What am I supposed to do?" I often asked myself that question during my former life as an employee, with multiple layers of supervisors. It was either a direct question to one of them, in light of conflicting, but "equally important" priorities, or just a cry from the heart, to no one in particular, when I could not see how to fit eight hour of work into seven hours.
Now that I'm free from that situation, the question remains, albeit in a slightly different form. I do not have supervisors whom I must satisfy in order to keep a job, but I still am surrounded by people who, for many different reasons, wish to weigh in on what I am "supposed to do". The children want their favorite school clothes clean. My business partners and mentors want to see me doing certain activities that are equated with business-building. My husband wants time for us to review the budget and review our days. The children's school wants volunteer hours. My coach wants me to put in more practice time. I want to do off-ice training at least four times a week.
None of these feel like a calling, like a unique gift, or something that I can impart to make the world a better place. Some would argue, vociferously, that my providing clean clothes makes their corner of the world a better place, or that taking notes at a parent committee meeting serves the greater good. Lost in all this is...what is my calling? It could be something as simple as providing a nurturing home for a future world leader. It could be as complicated as crusading for clean drinking water everywhere. I believe that everyone, if he or she really takes the time to sit back and assess, can come up with a passion, a gift or a calling that completes the sentence, "When I have the time/money, what I'd REALLY like to do is...." One of the saddest things that can be said about a person who has passed on is that he or she had always hoped to do X, but other life events had gotten in the way.
I had the opportunity to see first-hand just how little I mattered personally when I left the puffing, wheezing, grinding machine that was my previous work-setting. Although I was told often how important I was to keeping the machine going, and how important my skills were in the service of the machine, I understand in hindsight that keeping that machine puffing, wheezing and grinding is really the end goal, and who makes that happen is of secondary importance. I had suspected as much, and it is bemusing to see how thoroughly I bought into others' idea of what I was "supposed to do."
I hope now that at least part of my legacy to my friends, my family and especially my children will be "When her life called, she did not let it go to voicemail."
Now that I'm free from that situation, the question remains, albeit in a slightly different form. I do not have supervisors whom I must satisfy in order to keep a job, but I still am surrounded by people who, for many different reasons, wish to weigh in on what I am "supposed to do". The children want their favorite school clothes clean. My business partners and mentors want to see me doing certain activities that are equated with business-building. My husband wants time for us to review the budget and review our days. The children's school wants volunteer hours. My coach wants me to put in more practice time. I want to do off-ice training at least four times a week.
None of these feel like a calling, like a unique gift, or something that I can impart to make the world a better place. Some would argue, vociferously, that my providing clean clothes makes their corner of the world a better place, or that taking notes at a parent committee meeting serves the greater good. Lost in all this is...what is my calling? It could be something as simple as providing a nurturing home for a future world leader. It could be as complicated as crusading for clean drinking water everywhere. I believe that everyone, if he or she really takes the time to sit back and assess, can come up with a passion, a gift or a calling that completes the sentence, "When I have the time/money, what I'd REALLY like to do is...." One of the saddest things that can be said about a person who has passed on is that he or she had always hoped to do X, but other life events had gotten in the way.
I had the opportunity to see first-hand just how little I mattered personally when I left the puffing, wheezing, grinding machine that was my previous work-setting. Although I was told often how important I was to keeping the machine going, and how important my skills were in the service of the machine, I understand in hindsight that keeping that machine puffing, wheezing and grinding is really the end goal, and who makes that happen is of secondary importance. I had suspected as much, and it is bemusing to see how thoroughly I bought into others' idea of what I was "supposed to do."
I hope now that at least part of my legacy to my friends, my family and especially my children will be "When her life called, she did not let it go to voicemail."
Monday, February 4, 2013
Every day is a birthday!
I had a revelation, there is no other word for it, yesterday morning. It was a revelation of gifts, of priorities and of what I serve and what serves me.
I know that everyone has a gift or a passion and that sometimes that gift has been accidentally or intentionally buried. Sometimes everyday tasks pile up in front if it, until the we wonder where the gift went ("I used to enjoy gardening so much. Now I just don't have the time"). Sometimes nay-sayers get in the way ("You really shouldn't spend so much time writing. Your family and your job need more attention"). Sometimes, perhaps most of the time, we get in our own ways ("This is an indulgence"). The gift is still there, waiting to be brought out an unwrapped. How terrible would each of us feel if, while breaking up a parent's house and disposing of the worldly possessions, we came across a beautifully wrapped gift that we had chosen with great thought and love, that we had packaged with care and that we had sent, full of anticipation of the joy it would bring? I know my heart would break. I would feel in equal parts sadness for my parent and the sting of rejection for the gift unopened and unused.
Each of us has a particular gift in our lives. Some are obvious, like performance-related gifts. Some are behind-the-scenes gifts, like knowing who needs a cheerful phone call, or a get-well note. And some gifts don't really seem to be gifts at all, because they don't seem grand enough. In our house, I'm known for having a high rate of accuracy in knowing who is calling our land-line before anyone checks or picks up the phone. I don't consider that a gift! Other gifts that might be dismissed could include punctuality, organization, mending, having a green thumb, meeting new people, remembering names, the list goes on. I personally consider all of these gifts, as the only one I have any facility with is mending! What is your gift? Is yours still sitting in the closet with the wrapping paper on? Did you peek inside, were disappointed with what you saw and put the box away?
Each gift is so important, because none of us operates in a vacuum. When one of us doesn't recognize and use our gift, everyone we touch is diminished very slightly. The whole of each of our families and social spheres is both the sum of it's parts and greater than that sum. By voting "present" in the family sphere of gifts, the sum is not complete and the family cannot become an entity that uplifts and transcends each member. The same is true of a social circle, especially a small circle of good friends. That circle has the ability to lift up and propel forward each member, as well as the group collectively, but only if everyone brings his or her gift to the group. Remember the old "Superfriends" cartoon, with Zan and Jayna as the "Wonder Twins"? Both of them had a transformative gift, and when they put their fists together and proclaimed, "Wonder twin powers activate", they were able to activate their gifts AND use them together to create a whole that was greater than the sum of its parts.
Have you opened your gift? Do you treasure it, celebrate it and use it every day, with the knowledge of how important both you and your gift are to those whose lives you touch? Or do you not know where it is? You can ask others if they have seen it ("What do you think is my gift?"), or you can dig it out yourself, if you know where you hid it. Our gifts are meant to be displayed, even (or especially) if it means rearranging some of the furnishings of our lives to do so.
I know that everyone has a gift or a passion and that sometimes that gift has been accidentally or intentionally buried. Sometimes everyday tasks pile up in front if it, until the we wonder where the gift went ("I used to enjoy gardening so much. Now I just don't have the time"). Sometimes nay-sayers get in the way ("You really shouldn't spend so much time writing. Your family and your job need more attention"). Sometimes, perhaps most of the time, we get in our own ways ("This is an indulgence"). The gift is still there, waiting to be brought out an unwrapped. How terrible would each of us feel if, while breaking up a parent's house and disposing of the worldly possessions, we came across a beautifully wrapped gift that we had chosen with great thought and love, that we had packaged with care and that we had sent, full of anticipation of the joy it would bring? I know my heart would break. I would feel in equal parts sadness for my parent and the sting of rejection for the gift unopened and unused.
Each of us has a particular gift in our lives. Some are obvious, like performance-related gifts. Some are behind-the-scenes gifts, like knowing who needs a cheerful phone call, or a get-well note. And some gifts don't really seem to be gifts at all, because they don't seem grand enough. In our house, I'm known for having a high rate of accuracy in knowing who is calling our land-line before anyone checks or picks up the phone. I don't consider that a gift! Other gifts that might be dismissed could include punctuality, organization, mending, having a green thumb, meeting new people, remembering names, the list goes on. I personally consider all of these gifts, as the only one I have any facility with is mending! What is your gift? Is yours still sitting in the closet with the wrapping paper on? Did you peek inside, were disappointed with what you saw and put the box away?
Each gift is so important, because none of us operates in a vacuum. When one of us doesn't recognize and use our gift, everyone we touch is diminished very slightly. The whole of each of our families and social spheres is both the sum of it's parts and greater than that sum. By voting "present" in the family sphere of gifts, the sum is not complete and the family cannot become an entity that uplifts and transcends each member. The same is true of a social circle, especially a small circle of good friends. That circle has the ability to lift up and propel forward each member, as well as the group collectively, but only if everyone brings his or her gift to the group. Remember the old "Superfriends" cartoon, with Zan and Jayna as the "Wonder Twins"? Both of them had a transformative gift, and when they put their fists together and proclaimed, "Wonder twin powers activate", they were able to activate their gifts AND use them together to create a whole that was greater than the sum of its parts.
Have you opened your gift? Do you treasure it, celebrate it and use it every day, with the knowledge of how important both you and your gift are to those whose lives you touch? Or do you not know where it is? You can ask others if they have seen it ("What do you think is my gift?"), or you can dig it out yourself, if you know where you hid it. Our gifts are meant to be displayed, even (or especially) if it means rearranging some of the furnishings of our lives to do so.
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