“When it bothers you enough, you’ll do something about it.”
This was a phrase of mine from the days when I was a therapist.
I know I phrased it less abruptly than that, or spread the idea over several sentences.
The emphasis, at least mentally, was on the word “enough”. People (including myself!) have a remarkably high tolerance for discomfort, even danger, when the alternative is changing thoughts or behaviors, even making tiny little changes.
I have been guilty of this often myself, and the full knowledge that I “should” be doing things differently (e.g. preparing for competition differently, exercising on a regular schedule, being more self-disciplined in writing) has never been sufficient to cause me to change.
Unfortunately (from the perspective of the outsider), it often takes something drastic, something “eye-opening” to incite change. It could be a physical illness or “attack” of some sort, a public humiliation, a love or a job lost or a danger to life; events to which the outsider’s response is “Wow, I would have done ANYthing to avoid that.” Well, no, probably not, in the same situation.
This was a phrase of mine from the days when I was a therapist.
I know I phrased it less abruptly than that, or spread the idea over several sentences.
The emphasis, at least mentally, was on the word “enough”. People (including myself!) have a remarkably high tolerance for discomfort, even danger, when the alternative is changing thoughts or behaviors, even making tiny little changes.
I have been guilty of this often myself, and the full knowledge that I “should” be doing things differently (e.g. preparing for competition differently, exercising on a regular schedule, being more self-disciplined in writing) has never been sufficient to cause me to change.
Unfortunately (from the perspective of the outsider), it often takes something drastic, something “eye-opening” to incite change. It could be a physical illness or “attack” of some sort, a public humiliation, a love or a job lost or a danger to life; events to which the outsider’s response is “Wow, I would have done ANYthing to avoid that.” Well, no, probably not, in the same situation.
Why is change so difficult?
Why do people, myself included, routinely continue to sit on the tracks,
even when we can clearly see the train barreling toward us? “I know I should get off the tracks,” we
sigh. “But….” But what?
But I prefer to be hit by a train, because jumping off the tracks is too
much effort? But I prefer to be hit by a
train, because the embankment looks kinda steep? Because I’m not sure what I would do after
jumping off the tracks? There are as
many individual reasons as there are specific situations, but they all seem to
go back to an emotion:
Fear
Fear
Fear is a gut reaction, one of the most primitive reactions,
that creates the “flight or fight” response way back in the brain. It’s a tough emotion to overcome; just ask
anyone who refuses to get on a rollercoaster!
Different people attach “fear” to different objects, events or situations. Some people’s cache of things-that-induce-fear is broad and inclusive, and they may appear to be paralyzed in life by their fears. Some people have such a tiny cache of fearful things that they appear to continually put themselves in danger. Most of us are somewhere in between.
One idea that appears on almost everyone’s list, except true leaders, is….change.
For some reason, the idea of doing something differently is often equated with an unknown outcome, even when it's obvious that the outcome will be better. Anyone who has attempted to show a toddler how to perform a task, only to be rebuffed with shrieks and tears knows this. We all develop are own little habits and ways that serve us well….right up until they don’t. And when that bothers us ENOUGH (hopefully sooner, rather than later), we do something about it.
Different people attach “fear” to different objects, events or situations. Some people’s cache of things-that-induce-fear is broad and inclusive, and they may appear to be paralyzed in life by their fears. Some people have such a tiny cache of fearful things that they appear to continually put themselves in danger. Most of us are somewhere in between.
One idea that appears on almost everyone’s list, except true leaders, is….change.
For some reason, the idea of doing something differently is often equated with an unknown outcome, even when it's obvious that the outcome will be better. Anyone who has attempted to show a toddler how to perform a task, only to be rebuffed with shrieks and tears knows this. We all develop are own little habits and ways that serve us well….right up until they don’t. And when that bothers us ENOUGH (hopefully sooner, rather than later), we do something about it.
