Mashup

This is a combination of three thoughts:  FDR's "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"; a thought suggested to me by the story of King Solomon, who started out strong but faded in the backstretch when he was led astray by his many wives and a "hey, I recognize this knot in my stomach!" moment last Thursday, the day before I resigned my job. 

Several people have told me, "I could NEVER (whatever)", most often referring to taking up skating as an adult ("I'm afraid of falling") or doing the career 180 that I have ("I'm not as good as you are"), and the common denominator seems to be some unspecified fear arising from taking up an unfamiliar endeavor. I have marveled at how frequently we already have taken up something unfamiliar before reaching adulthood, and yet we easily forget those examples.  Walking is the best one, because it involved a lot of effort, and yes, falling.  Unfortunately, none of us remember that.  Talking, reading, writing, all of those things we take for granted were unfamiliar and difficult at one time, and very likely tears were shed along the way.  Driving is another great example.  There is no innate "drive" to drive, as there might be for walking, but very few, if any, of us said, " Weeeelll, I don't know.  I've never driven before, and I'm afraid of getting in an accident, so I think I'll give it a pass."

What is the difference between these basic activities and something like public speaking, teaching a college class, competing in skating, performing on the piano or taking up a business?  I think the big difference is we are surrounded constantly by people who successfully mastered walking, talking, reading, writing and driving, but examples of other activities might be far more infrequent.  If I haven't seen many examples of people successfully mastering something unfamiliar, I might indeed be reluctant to take it up. 

So maybe we can reframe "I could NEVER...." as "I haven't seen many people do that, so I'm not as certain that it's feasible for me."  And now we arrive at the crux of the matter, which is that unfamiliarity breeds fear, or something that feels like it.  Fear of what, exactly?  Fear of "looking stupid" mostly, which is self-consciousness.  I tell my adult skating students, "Well of COURSE you're going to fall!  I do all the time.  And if it's a really spectacular one, and you're not hurt, I'll probably laugh, because it looks funny.  People laugh at me all the time.  And I laugh at myself."  Then we move on to how to fall so that you don't get hurt.  And then, we start learning to skate.  When the fear is gone, or at least under control, it's amazing what people can accomplish.  King Solomon came to an ignominious end when he began "worshiping lesser gods" and people who give fear a place of honor in their lives gradually find themselves stuck in one place, with a vague sensation that there was supposed to be more to life than this. 

Which finally brings me to last Thursday.  I was feeling the strain of keeping my impending resignation from my long-time job quiet for just one more day, and my stomach was in a knot.  I could have interpreted that as fear, and thus as a sign that I had made the wrong decision, that I should change my mind, that things were about to go terribly wrong.  Instead, I had a sudden feeling of recognition:  This is exactly how I feel at competition, when my name has been called and the door to the ice has been closed (why does it always sound so loud?), but before I take my mark.  I know this feeling--it doesn't mean I've made a horrible mistake or that I need to run or that I look stupid; it just means that I need to focus.  I can survive this feeling without doing anything drastic.  It will pass.  I took a deep breath and refocused.  And the feeling passed.