This started out as a New Year's resolution for 2014, but I quickly decided to abandon that rather ephemeral concept in favor of something more concrete: modeling the behavior I would like to see in others. This used to be called The Golden Rule, but that phrase comes with its own connotations and sounds so...all encompassing. I'm going for something specific.
This year, 2014, I plan to strike the word "busy" from my interactions with others, in hopes that they will do the same for me. I always recoil slightly from the Christmas newsletters that begin "This has been a very busy year for us!" and the implication that the lives of others have not also been overfilled with.....well, with something. Then, the listing of activities and accomplishments, interspersed with "And when Iphigenia has a free moment, she likes to hone her desert-trekking skills...". I've been guilty of this as well, partly out of misplaced pride and partly out of desire to not appear unable to keep up with the Jonses and the Smiths. But not this year.
I had several days this year (ok, many days this year), where execution of all the commitments depended on split-second timing, a good tailwind and no traffic. No room for error. I don't recall feeling terribly virtuous or improved at the end of those days, just exhausted, and with some potential "bragging rights" for social media, once I recovered. Busy, busy days.
I've since decided, that at least in Linda's world, busy-ness will heretofore be renamed Poor Time Management and/or Failure to be Forthright, and treated as a deficiency, rather than a badge of honor. Having a foot cast for two weeks really helped to jump-start this process, as I had to stop and think before I did anything, to decide whether or not it was even physically possible with crutches and whether or not it would simply take more time than I wanted to spend. My vindication, of sorts, came in the last week of the children's school, when the parent association collects checks and monetary gifts for teachers, divides them, creates a card and distributes the cards and money. There was a timing glitch (possibly resulting from people being busy), and the division and distribution of money came right down to the last second. Even though the process did not go at all as planned, it turned out that day was free for me, although I grumbled several times under my breath during the course of it. At the distribution time, I was floored at the relief in so many teachers' voices. They were counting on that gift.
Here's what it looks like for 2014: I will make every effort to not dismiss anyone with "I'm too busy." I'll tell them what I'm doing instead, including keeping margins for error. If someone suggests an activity that doesn't interest me, I'll either suck it up for the good of the relationship and make an effort to enjoy myself, or say, "Thank you for asking me! That isn't going to fit into my schedule" (no need to be brutal). My hope is for improved relationships, a chance to fully focus on what I'm doing and memories that are sharp instead of blurred. Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Setting the Margins Wide Enough
I just finished reading an email from a parent at the children's school, regarding collecting money for the teachers' Christmas gift checks. There has been a change in leadership for this endeavor, and the emails have been flying, as information from previous years is consolidated and passed along. I'm in the loop in a peripheral way, so I get to read, without having to respond.
With my foot in a cast for two weeks now, I have been using the time to chip away at commitments, both single-incident and long-standing one. The simple act of getting around takes an extraordinary amount of time, and I can't physically accomplish as much as I have in the past.
I was laughing about this with a parent at school last week, telling her that God really, really wanted to slow me down, and He finally had to resort to this. She asked, "So when you are back on both feet, will you slow down?' "Certainly not!" I replied. "I'll go twice as fast!" I have since reconsidered. The razor-thin time margins that come with over-scheduling, even over-scheduling with worthwhile and important activities disappear completely when crutches are involved. And what exactly HAS all this running around and "being busy" accomplished for the long term? Well....nothing.
Back to the email regarding the teacher gift checks. It appears that letters have been created to accompany the checks, each personalized with the teacher's name, and printed. The line that caught my eye was, "Deb selected the stationery carefully so we wouldn't have to adjust our margins each year. In this way, formatting and printing was greatly simplified." Click! It all came together.
We all know about setting wide margins for our finances. It's variously called, "the emergency fund," "the rainy-day fund" or "the retirement fund." But what about setting the margins wide enough on our time, so we don't have to adjust each year, month, week or day? If we did, wouldn't the formatting of our days be greatly simplified?
"But, I just HAVE to....." is the response, and I myself have said this, often out of guilt and especially if the project or activity is a worthy one, and ESPECIALLY if it's something at church. But why? It's sometimes flattering to be asked, and there is that little burst of importance that we all feel when we announce to the world, "I'm sooooo busy"...right before our chests start to tighten up from anxiety.
We all have a purpose in life, a story-line, a plot arc. From whence this emerges is a matter of personal belief, but no matter, the point being that it's darn-near impossible to fulfill that intended purpose if all the hours are being spent being busy. I've experimented with scheduling twenty-eight hours worth of work for a twenty-four hour time slot, just to see if I can will the expansion of the time-space continuum, and....no, I can't. Setting the margins wide enough will increase the odds that I will both find and fulfill my purpose, follow the intended story-line and see the beautiful arc unfold.
With my foot in a cast for two weeks now, I have been using the time to chip away at commitments, both single-incident and long-standing one. The simple act of getting around takes an extraordinary amount of time, and I can't physically accomplish as much as I have in the past.
I was laughing about this with a parent at school last week, telling her that God really, really wanted to slow me down, and He finally had to resort to this. She asked, "So when you are back on both feet, will you slow down?' "Certainly not!" I replied. "I'll go twice as fast!" I have since reconsidered. The razor-thin time margins that come with over-scheduling, even over-scheduling with worthwhile and important activities disappear completely when crutches are involved. And what exactly HAS all this running around and "being busy" accomplished for the long term? Well....nothing.
Back to the email regarding the teacher gift checks. It appears that letters have been created to accompany the checks, each personalized with the teacher's name, and printed. The line that caught my eye was, "Deb selected the stationery carefully so we wouldn't have to adjust our margins each year. In this way, formatting and printing was greatly simplified." Click! It all came together.
We all know about setting wide margins for our finances. It's variously called, "the emergency fund," "the rainy-day fund" or "the retirement fund." But what about setting the margins wide enough on our time, so we don't have to adjust each year, month, week or day? If we did, wouldn't the formatting of our days be greatly simplified?
"But, I just HAVE to....." is the response, and I myself have said this, often out of guilt and especially if the project or activity is a worthy one, and ESPECIALLY if it's something at church. But why? It's sometimes flattering to be asked, and there is that little burst of importance that we all feel when we announce to the world, "I'm sooooo busy"...right before our chests start to tighten up from anxiety.
We all have a purpose in life, a story-line, a plot arc. From whence this emerges is a matter of personal belief, but no matter, the point being that it's darn-near impossible to fulfill that intended purpose if all the hours are being spent being busy. I've experimented with scheduling twenty-eight hours worth of work for a twenty-four hour time slot, just to see if I can will the expansion of the time-space continuum, and....no, I can't. Setting the margins wide enough will increase the odds that I will both find and fulfill my purpose, follow the intended story-line and see the beautiful arc unfold.
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