The Lesson of Refrigerator Art

It's happening...
I'm occasionally hearing my mother's words coming out of my own mouth
(and why is it never the "good stuff"???)

I can still remember teen-age me responding poorly to some variation of
"After all I do for you...", but now,

I catch myself thinking, "After all I do for you..."
(I don't think I've actually said those words out loud.   At least, I hope I haven't.)

Of course, the children respond poorly to any statement that implies gratitude would be a great response,  but what's more interesting to me is the flash of anger I feel, when one of them is willing to take my setting my own schedule aside as a matter of course, with no acknowledgment, but feel free to complain about their quality of life.

And that brings me to refrigerator art.

We still have lots of it on the 'fridge (beats cleaning off fingerprints).
Childish efforts, presented with pride, and accepted with gushing enthusiasm. 

Nothing I asked for, no specifications given, just "I did this for you."

I would never dream of crushing their spirits by saying "I didn't ask for this."  Or,
"Smaller would have been better." 
It truly is the thought that counts. 

After my last go-round with Number One Son, I got to wondering...
at what age do people not mind if their "Look, I made this for you!" efforts are casually swatted aside. 
"So?  I didn't ask you to do that."

Is it teen years, when the young man sends flowers (old-fashioned, I know) to his crush on her birthday, only to see them tossed aside?  Does he mind?  Of course he does. 

Maybe it's early marriage, when the wife surprises her husband with dinner reservations, only to have him complain about the restaurant.  Might that crush her spirit a little?  Probably.

Maybe middle-age people don't mind, when they arrange a trip for an elderly parent who only wants to talk about how bad the food was.  But...I'll bet they do mind.

Which brings me back to that flash of anger.
When I decide to do something nice for the children "just because," and either get the brush-off, or "I didn't ASK you to do that" (true enough),  I don't think it's so very different than a little one making a Welcome Home Mommy sign in squiggly letters, taping it to a piece of re-bar, standing it in the driveway and waiting eagerly to see if I noticed. 

It's not really anger...it's sadness.  That quick, casual, spirit-crushing dismissal of my "refrigerator art", my "Look!  I made this for you!" 

I don't think we ever stop making refrigerator art, in whatever form, for those we love.  I'm hoping I can somehow teach the children that, as they get older, it's important to recognize the refrigerator art coming their way...no matter what form it takes.  And...to handle the spirit of the giver with care.